In the land of Kamasutra and Khajuraho temple, moral
policing strikes a blow.
MORAL POLICING: How less or sufficient should it be done?
Should it be exercised at all?
With the recent ban on pornographic
websites in India, blackmailing couples through spurious raids in hotel rooms,
willfully catching couples in public parks and on Valentine's day for being
together, kissing etc. I wonder where the policing is heading in our country.
As a responsible citizen, I do feel policing is right, we should have some
limitations. But at the same time, I also feel we, the literate beings, even if
watch porn, or kiss and indulge in such things, won't commit rape and things
like that. However, the illiterate and the deprived ones are more susceptible
to such acts. Therefore, banning such websites might be a solution (I still
wonder how). But, what really should be the right way? Radhe maa being sued for
wearing short dress in a country where Naga sadhus walk naked during Kumbh
mela, Digambar jains don't wear any clothes due to religious reasons, what is
the right way of doing things?
I read this article today by Garima
Sharma (Member of Central Board of Film Certification) and liked it so
thought of sharing it..
Recently,
the government lifted a ban on watching pornography after an overwhelming
response decrying the move, because what you watch in the privacy of a room,
SHOULD be your business not the government’s, right? However, why have we as a
nation not addressed the issue of the government blackmailing couples through
spurious raids in hotel rooms, when they’re already being harassed by the moral
police for kissing?
In a
country, where there is no privacy for the young, this kind of easy targeting
ruins the balance of sexuality and freedom in an already repressed society. If
two consenting adults want to have sex, what right does the government have to
SHAME and blackmail them about it, for? Nobody has sex after announcing to the
whole world that they are about to, because for a lot of people, including
society and the government, it’s a private thing to be indulged in discreetly
(or at least that is reasoning we are given about kissing). AFFECTION SHOULD BE
PRIVATE. Okay, understood.
However,
the deeper question is – how should this privacy be exercised? In the cities, a
lot of couples either live with their families in small households without
enough privacy to go to the bathroom let alone, get a person of the opposite
sex to their home without offending the whole locality and “destroying their
family name” by being labelled as someone promiscuous, sleazy, cheap, easy or
worst of all (Outrageous GASP!!!) – a sex worker. In a culture where the
parent-child relationship is considered sacred, forget having sex, but even
making out in the same house as them or even doing it in your own house while
they are absent (those who are lucky) would be considered pathologically
sickening at its worst or weird at the least.
So what
is the other option? “Friend’s house?” Not likely. Not everyone has friends who
have empty houses that they rent/lend to friends for sexual enoyment. Aside
from downright humiliating and strange this can also be a favour that most
people would not like to take from friends in lieu of being blackmailed later.
Considering all the list of options, only Marriage (which is a very big life
decision that SHOULD never depend on sexual curiosity or experimentation) an
anonymous hotel or abstinence (celibacy) remain.
Let’s
start with celibacy. Do we really think, in a country with the third largest
population, owing to a VERY DEEP gap between sexual education, sexual health
and sexual practice we will actually able to stop young people with raging
hormones, curiosity and a host of issues about their personality, ambition and
identity; from having any sex at all? That’s the worst kind of unrealistic
expectation that has caused the population issue in the first place-
unrealistic body images and expectations. There is a reason sex is one of our
basic needs along with food and shelter.
Coming
to the idea of marriage, any RATIONAL, LOGICAL person will understand that
marriage is an institution that is SUPPOSED TO legalize monogamy and the
domestic securityof individuals who CONSENT to living with each other and
sharing legal responsibilities as well as sexual ones. The most important,
sacred and holy of all the things next to GOD in this universe for those who
believe in such a concept, and even for those who don’t is and SHOULD be CONSENT.
However,
in most cases and especially in this country, nothing happens with the consent
of the people who are the MOST AFFECTED from decisions. Those in power- the
authority figures such as parents for example, usually are the ones who use
their unlimited pool of consent as a tool to stamp and approve the sexual union
of their children thinking they know what is best for them. Any good
statistical study will show you that this is not the case. Like a popular and
rather tart message making the rounds since sometime, apply summarizes, “Our
parents tell us ‘Never to talk to strangers’ yet ask us to sleep with one after
marriage.” Next, come the real challenges of a marriage and the
responsibilities that make it the hallowed and sacred union it is supposed to
be. Honestly, however, how many of the people in this country can say that
their parents’ marriage was perfect or any marriage for that matter is perfect?
Like any other relationship, it is not. If marriages were the magic resolution
to solving the issue of rapes, unwanted pregnancies, prostitution or adultery
by enlightening the heathens, there would be no marital rape (because ANY sex
without consent or force is RAPE and a man or woman’s god-given right as a
spouse does not make it any less of a moral crime, even if this country refuses
to acknowledge it), domestic abuse, extra-marital adultery or prostitution (
you will NOT be surprised to know how many prostitutes have confirmed of
servicing married clients).
Now,
seeing that we have some of the most hassling options out of the way, what
would ideally be the most anonymous, private, safe, guilt-free and fun option
of spending some romantic, intimate or sexually-thrilling/ enlightening time
with someone we really like, enjoy being with a lot, love or, wish to/are about
to marry? A HOTEL ROOM where we respectfully pay for the services of availing
some privacy from our family home as well as the undesirability of gossiping
aunties, uncles, colonies, friends – you name it (who must have likely done or
wanted the same thing when they were young) and as adults get to explore our
sexuality/love towards someone, right? WRONG.
Because
like every other kind of moral policing that blames “western culture” for
harming our nation and corrupting the innocent with short-clothes, Chow Mein,
cigarettes and sex, the police uses the all powerful battering ram that is the
shaming of society; of the moral narrow mindedness of this country’s citizens
-who blame all the ills of society on western culture without ever examining who
or what really is causing the deeply inherent problems within our system- to
BLACKMAIL, threaten, scare and hurt people who have not harmed anybody while
indulging in a perfectly legal act of being with a loved one who is an ADULT
and who has CONSENTED to the intimacy. These people, are often targeted under
the pretext of “raids” and “disruption of sexual nexus’ involving
sex-trafficking” which effectively silence all pleas and protestations of a
person’s fundamental rights. Such fun, no?
As a
person researching and working with NGO’s regarding real-life sex trafficking,
let me tell you, the authorities who conduct raids on lover-bird hotels are the
least likely to ever nab any real sex offenders. Harassing common people is
their easiest way of extracting money or proving their usefulness in the force
by conducting arbitrary “checks” which are nothing but an abuse of authority.
Instead of a crack down on real rape-related issues, these authorities imply
the horrifically flawed logic that any unmarried woman having sex is a
prostitute and therefore must be punished (because prostitutes are not, human
beings, right?)
Okay so
you’re not yet going to a hotel to have some privacy and sex? Even then, this
constant threat of looming authorities and moral garbage will haunt you, if you
are one of the countless young couples or even group of friends who travel
together around India, you will still be questioned about the status of your
relationship as if you are committing a crime because of “out of wedlock
travelling”.
The
recently released film, Masaan highlights this excellent, corrupt and ruthless
wolf-of –authority-in-sheep’s-clothing phenomenon, along with another film
-Gulcharrey that some friends of my mine (Anubhav Syal , Varun
Tandon , Amitesh Mukherjee ) made straight out of college,
addressing this issue realistically. It is ironical how proud we feel of Masaan
winning international Awards across the world, but wilfully ignore what it is
trying to say about our cultural hypocrisy.
Personally
I think, everybody young in this country is under the threat of this kind of
moral bludgeoning, with the government and authorities stigmatizing our
sexuality, our judgement as well as shaming our parents into repressing another
generation of young people into thinking that sex between individuals of
consenting age is bad, when it is not. Sexual abstinence will never happen and
stigmatizing the issue with this kind of ridiculous reasoning and
empathetic-bankruptcy will not lead to any kind of solution.
Though
many people say that the youth are empowered, I don’t see that happening. Does
having power or being a good person only mean something when you are a
saint/monk practicing celibacy or making friends and falling in love with the
consent of your parents? Isn’t coming of age hard enough, with suicidal and
depressed teens always lurking in the background, with this added atrocity
making well-adjusted young people also wanting to end their lives? This is
unfortunate and criminal on a whole another level.
India is
a country with the highest number of young people. We claim to be the largest
well-functioning democracy. We push for young leaders who will change the way
the world looks and imagines reality, but in truth we want the youth of this
country to do all of it without their human needs and flaws (perhaps, they same
we like our Gandhi and Gods to be). We want them to be sexless or authority
(parent/state) abiding citizens who place God and some weird kind of “cultural”
paradigm before engaging in the most natural, legal and basic of all human
needs.
We might
as well cut off the genitals of the unmarried young in this nation. Perhaps
that will resolve all this country’s problems like MARRIAGE, INDIAN CULTURE and
GOD have.
There
are the bigger crimes in our world which everyone knows of and condemns, but
these indignities, these psychological traumas like sexism, discrimination and
humiliation are the smaller bricks that lay the foundation of injustice. You
may think that you will never be a victim -that is what everyone thinks to
comfort themselves, but let me tell you that if it is affecting this nation,
affecting our world, it is affecting you and someday, you will too stand face
to face with the burden of these smaller injustices or crimes as I call them.
