Speak for yourself

Click bait image :P

I have observed this so many times, but I decided to write about it now. Yesterday, my friend and I went to a nearby Indian restaurant in downtown Denver, owned by Nepalese people. We frequent this place so often that they have become like friends to us, and we usually have nice chit chats.

During one of these conversations, we discussed how many people, especially from South Asian countries, are leaving their countries to settle abroad like the US, Australia, and Canada. The Nepalese guy expressed his concern that in Nepal, people don't value studying and earning while staying in their own country, and moving abroad seems like an easier option to them. He also had concerns about the pace of modernization in his homeland. Fair enough.

Now my friend, who is a Punjabi, joins the conversation and agreed with most of his points and said it's the same trend in India. Everyone is going abroad due to lack of opportunities and fair governance. Everything was okay till this point. However, things took a negative turn when my friend started generalizing and criticizing the culture back home. My friend claimed that setting up a business in India is almost impossible due to corruption, and the goons and mafia demand a share from every venture. I interrupted and asked for specific examples rather than a sweeping generalization about all of India. They admitted that it happens more frequently in Punjab. I urged them to be more precise in their statements and not label the entire country based on isolated or personal experiences. They often scolds Indian system and complains about the current governance (which may be a personal experience altogether). 

Interestingly, my friend is also an aspirant for getting a Green Card (GC) and settling abroad. Even marrying a US citizen just to expedite the process doesn't sound odd to them. For context, the regular GC processing times for most of the Indians is pretty long as of today. Whenever I mention to my friend that I plan to go back to India sooner or later, they are shocked because they know that if I apply for a Green Card, the process will be relatively faster for me compared to them. It's not something they hear often, and it surprises them. I pointed out the irony of their stance - while they criticize Punjab and instead of going back and contribute to the betterment, they are instead trying so hard to leave India forever (but continue complain forever). They believe the bad conditions are "imposed by the government," but I encouraged them to consider going back and contributing to the betterment of their own country (which I don't think was perceived really well :D). 

But this is not one isolated example, few days back, at NREL, my friend, who is an Indian shared a similar story. She sat in some event where people were sharing their stories. One Indian guy (who was actually an immigrant from Sri Lanka and brought up in India) went nonstop bickering about the many biases he felt in India starting from castes, to color, to poverty (he even mentioned never having experienced an AC before), to what not. He also said that Indians come to the US only for money!!!  When my friend told me about this encounter, she looked upset, embarrassed and questioned how someone could generalize and attribute such experiences to every Indian. The gore’s were asking if this is the first time you experienced an AC, to that he said yes. So, while I am not declining these problems that he may have faced, it is also wrong to say that this is the norm. This is what happens “in India” and to everyone because I’m pretty sure all the 100 odds members mostly whites would have felt that what he is sharing is the truth and that every Indian goes through the same. 

And the list goes on! Since I have lived in so many states in India and studied in so many schools and colleges, thanks to my father’s military profession, I have got a taste of so many cultures and languages and the people. I have seen that people tend to generalize their experiences and throw them on others. 

Coming back to my friend from the dinner last night, I faced and said that please whenever you share such an experience, do add that “it is your opinion or per your experience” Please speak for yourself and do not generalize. I guess I offended my friend :D But I am also sure the next time they share a similar story to a non-Indian, they will always remember me.