And honeslty, that hit me. It made me wonder: Can we really do what we truly want to do? Sadly, most of us can’t unless we are that conscious, that un-materialistic, that detached from society. This is a capitalistic world and you need money for everything. Yes, I could ditch all that, but would societal norms, pressures, wants, and standards let me live without questioning? I don’t think so.
For me, I’m actually very motivated to do my work. I truly enjoy it and want to continue for a while, at least until I have enough money to retire. But you know what I truly want to do? I want to live in our ancestral house in Ayodhya. It’s a real village, a proper village. I haven’t been there since around 2009. A lot has happened over the years. My mom is visiting these days, and when I hear all the stories, I feel so drawn to it. Our large farms, large open house, the greenery, the simplicity, the community, the people! They'r sooo helpful, always ask how you are, unlike in cities like Gurgaon where nobody cares about anybody.
I don’t even want to start describing my experience here in the US, lol. I’ve become so used to living without community that I feel like a machine. But when I hear about our village, I feel like that’s where I truly want to live. America feels so lonely, disconnected, unspiritual, meaningless. Lol. I didn’t intend this to turn into a rant, but that’s just how I feel today. I now understand why my friend was so happy to return to India after living in Japan for so many years.
Maybe this is just one of those realizations that sits with you (over the long weekend :P) not something you act on immediately, not something you fix overnight. Just an understanding of what feels missing.
Life might keep me in cities, in jobs, in routines for now. But at least I’m no longer pretending that this is all I want. There’s comfort in simply acknowledging the truth, right?
