Chasing simplicity

Have you spotted anyone without a cell phone at a train station or walking without headphones? Neither have I, but I’m one of them. My colleague often talks about how he goes to these yoga retreats every two months for his 'renewal'. When I asked him what they do there, he said they have meditation and mindfulness sessions, share their experiences with complete strangers, practice healthy eating, relaxation and healing, and do workshops that brings cerebral stillness. It kind of knocks me out because I’m not a yoga person and always wondered how external guidance could calm (people) down. It's ironic that in this fast-paced world with distractions at your finger tips, simplicity is so out of reach.

It’s funny how life has changed, isn't it? I remember the days when the only “connection” that mattered was the one you had with your neighbors, friends, and family. Growing up in India, the pace of life was different. At least per my memory, not sure how things are now. Mornings started with the smell of masala chai my mother used to make, the rustling of Hindustan Times newspaper sheets, the breakfast  I used to have (usually parathas and sabzi), to the sound of kabadiwalas and sabziwalas, while the kids played in the streets. Ah! That's my therapy, my white noise.

There was a simplicity in how we lived. We didn’t need much to be happy—just a cricket bat (yeah, I used to play that), a few friends, and the promise of a good game after school before the era of tuitions took over. Festivals were community events; everyone’s door was open, and we celebrated together, from sharing sweets to making Ravana during Dusshera. I can't remember the last time I celebrated Diwali with my people, but Diwali, to me is the memory of my childhood when the first priority was the Lakshmi pooja, lighting up simple mitti diyas (no fancy decoration whatsoever), followed by circulating sweets boxes to the neigbours, and then coming home to burst crackers. It all changed now.  Makar Sankranti used to be a great community event. When I think of it, it takes me back to our Jammu days, living in BSF quarters on the second floor and all the kids used to gather on the terrace to fly kites. It wasn’t just about the kites or throwing water filled balloons on strangers during Holi; it was about being together, shouting in unison when someone’s kite was cut, and the joy of the simple things.

Even our vacations meant so much. Traveling to our village house in Ayodhya was a nice break. People used to feed guests with fresh dudh (milk), jaggery in copper glasses back then unlike today when biscuits and tea took over. There was something so refreshing about waking up to the sound of birds, walking barefoot on the earth, and picking mangoes straight from the "aam ke bagh" my Chacha had. Back then (almost 25 years ago), there were no toilets in our village, so everyone would go to the fields—that was quite an experience! I won’t go into details, but those experiences were priceless. If you know what I mean :D  How I enjoyed plucking peas, sugarcane from our farms that my Chacha manages now. The last time I went to our village in Ayodhya was in 2011 for just 2 days! Why, what took me this long?!!!. 

Also, shopping wasn’t about brands; it was about the experience. Walking through the local market, bargaining with the vendors, and choosing fresh produce—it was an event in itself. I remember how I made my Papa spend hours in the market in Jammu, just to buy a sweatshirt when I was in 10th standard. I wanted something really cool/stylish - thanks to the teen hormones. The joy of finding that perfect sweatshirt after hours of browsing was so fulfilling. I hate online shopping! I watched my first movie "Kaho na pyar hai" with papa in Jammu and then bought stickers and posters of Hrithik to paste in my secret diary. Lol, crush. Man! What days.

Life now feels like a race. We’re always connected, but are we truly connecting? The hustle, the deadlines, the notifications—it’s all so overwhelming tbh. Sometimes, I find myself longing for that slower pace, where the most urgent thing was getting home in time to have the evening tea with the family. (My friends back in Delhi knew I had a cut off time of 5:30 pm to reach home as my folks and I always used to have our evening chai session together. lol!)

Cutest cow ever!

I guess what I’m saying is that I miss the small joys, the simple pleasures that used to define our days. Maybe that’s why the idea of traveling to small towns, visiting roadside dhabas, and just being close to nature feels so appealing. It’s a way to reconnect with that part of life that we’ve somehow left behind in the rush to “move forward.” Well, what I mean is that it’s not about running away from the present but about finding a way back to what truly makes us happy. The life we had —it wasn’t perfect, but it was pure, uncomplicated, and full of warmth. 

I want to keep a cow as a pet - that's my wish. Cow is my favorite animal. This is my picture with a random cow roaming around my Gurgaon home when I visited India last year.

In a way, I think we are all searching for that balance, that peace that comes from living simply and meaningfully. Maybe that’s why my colleague finds value in those yoga retreats—it’s a step towards slowing down for them, tuning out the noise, and rediscovering what really matters. And maybe, just maybe, it’s time we all took a little break, paused the race, and found our way back to the simplicities that once made us who we are.

Friendship

I used to be someone with literally hundreds of friends. In school, I was a very popular kid, and I had friends—best friends—with both girls and guys. I was a tomboy, so I felt comfortable with both of the genders that existed back then. When I moved on to undergraduate college, I made several friends, not only in my batch but also among seniors and juniors. This was because I was active in social and co-curricular activities, participating in many clubs and events.

When I moved on to pursue my higher education, there was so much to explore, so many departments, hostels, and an abundance of activities to take part in. As a result, I ended up with hundreds of friends across disciplines and years.

However, as I reached the pre-final year of my PhD, my circle of friends began to shrink. Now, I literally have only two people whom I call my best friends and only friends. Not that I don't care about other friendships that went missing on the way, but I do want to mention a friendship that is worth the mention in my life because it was very special to me.

We'd named our group "MAGN", deriving each letter from the first letter of our names. We knew each other from 2004! Why am I writing about this today? Because I got rid of the last and only remaining member of that group after losing touch with the first two some 2 years ago. Why? We simply grew apart. Life and circumstances can take people away from you. We tried—I’m sure we tried. But time and distance bring confusion, miscommunications, and misjudgments..

I don’t want to go into the details of what happened or why. I know they don't know about my blog here so probably they are never gonna read this but I just want to say that I hold nothing but love in my heart for them. The time we shared and memories we made are wonderful, and I hope they enjoyed my company as well. But sometimes, moving on is the only solution.

Insights from my journey

Sunsets at Red Rocks

Now that I am in my 30s and having met thousands of people, lived in multiple cities and countries, and experienced various stages of life (and continuing to do so), I can't help but reflect on how few things in life are truly important (non-negotiable). I would love to share this with someone as confused as I was in my early 20s, to help guide them. 

1. Importance of workouts and physical fitness: This is THE most important thing in life. I think, everything else—money, power, fame, love, etc. (not in order)—comes after this. Unless you have good health and follow a sustainable fitness regime, not just to lose a few kilos now and then, but to incorporate it into your everyday lifestyle as a permanent habit, you can't enjoy other aspects of life fully. What you do in your early 20s and 30s will have a direct impact on your later life. I remember how my professor once told me that taking care of his health in his early years by playing tennis, hiking, flossing his teeth, and so on has allowed him to live a comfortable life in his 80s, unlike many of his peers. Also, drink water. 
2.  Freedom to explore your life in the early years: I've seen that parents who imposed strictness on their kids during their formative years often led those kids to explore freedom in not-so-good ways when they finally got the opportunity. It's like if you restrict yourself from doing something for a long time, you might do it in the worst possible way if given the chance. For example, I remember when I used to diet and avoid eating a piece of cake or cookie, I would often fail miserably and end up eating a whole box at 1 a.m., then cry and blame my friend who left their snack box at my home by mistake. So, do not restrict your kids too much. Some form of restriction should be there, though. 
3. Go out, travel, and meet/interact with people: This is another important aspect of life that nobody talks about enough. I have had the privilege of being a military brat, so traveling and moving were part of my life. But I can't emphasize enough its importance in the real world. I have lived on totally opposite sides of the hemispheres alone, but I did a pretty decent job of surviving it with pride. I think this came from my experience of changing schools every 2 years and living in different states of India with varying languages and cultural backgrounds. This really helped me adjust myself in different groups and enhanced my tolerance. It taught me that it is normal and that you have to get through it. 
4. Pursuing continuous learning and growth: Never stop learning. Whether through formal education, reading, or acquiring new skills, continuous learning keeps you intellectually engaged and opens up new opportunities when you expect it the least. 
5. Financial literacy and planning: Understanding money management and planning for the future is so essential. In my early years, I didn't pay much attention to saving or investing, but as I grew older, I realized the importance of financial stability and freedom that comes after. Learning about budgeting, investing, and saving has given me a sense of security and freedom to make life choices without financial stress. It has also taught me the essesnce of responsibility. As a youngest kid in the family, I was the last person to be considered responsible (becuase of my track records) but now I take pride in telling people that atleast few people in my life (my family, of course) have started taking me seriously and consider me responsible. 😊
6. Follow this when joining a new workplace: When you join a new workplace, be proactive. Arrive early and make it a habit, as your initial actions can set lasting patterns. Participate in activities and meetings, ask questions, and never shy away from voicing your opinions. Taking these steps will help you integrate quickly and make a positive impression. Stepping out of your comfort zone can lead to new opportunities and learning experiences. Volunteer for challenging projects, propose innovative ideas, and don't be afraid to suggest changes that could improve processes. I believe what you do in the first six months sets a lasting impression about you as a person and colleague in people's minds. If you cut slack after six months, it won't change anything. However, if you are clumsy and boring at the start, no matter how hard you try to change people's perception of you after six months, it will never change.
7. Take risks: I am a huge supporter of taking risks (with some caveats of course)*. It's like stepping onto a new path without knowing exactly where it leads. It's exciting and a bit scary, but it's how we grow and achieve amazing things. Before making important risky decisions, my mantra in life is to first calm myself down by thinking, 'Hey, what's the worst thing that can happen?' I imagine the worst-case scenario and weigh it against the fact that I would still be alive and have my job/family. I believe that if you've already considered the worst-case scenario of your risk decision, you'll be at ease with accepting the outcome afterward. At least, that approach has worked out for me. (* you should always have a plan B and don't get too risky, you know. Always take calculated risks).