How to treat interns?

Disclaimer: This post is for the non-intern junta. One who has never done any internship under a mentor. Cuz I am the mentor and I am badass!

So, I was talking to a friend. He is a 2^nd year Ph.D. student. He got an intern from one of the IIT's in India. I met both of them and we naturally bonded over coffee. I was telling them how I have mentored four B. Tech's, 3 M. Tech's, and even two PhD's (when I was still a Ph.D. student). I shared my experience with them. Later, when the intern left and only both of us (mentors) were left, we talked the real shit. My friend, let's give him a name, Joey, was like, "I have asked him to write a paper and that it would be good for both of them since he is here only for 3-4 months and then he could write a paper and then I will, of course, guide him and we could have a paper in 6 months’ time, blah blah blah". When I chatted with “The intern”, let's call him Chandler, he sounded so serious and told me that he will do everything he's been asked to.

I was like, hmm, that is ambitious. I know the tricks of the game pretty well. I told him, he would not do it. Because a) He wanted to do an MBA (lol, isn’t that enough?), and b) He is a 3^rd year B. Tech. Both these reasons are enough to let me not give further explanations. I have had so many friends all this while and I know for sure, I have not seen a serious B. Tech student in a long time. They are there but one in say 30. So getting that one is really difficult and fortunate. In addition, with the above two reasons, I know he is not the one. I am no way demeaning Chandler, but you know it is that thing; you are not serious in your bachelors. I was not even, rather I should say, forward-looking individual.

So, today when I had a chat with Joey, he told me that Chandler is not writing the paper. And I was like, Really? (Sounding surprised yet I was not).

 

                                                                    

Collecting wastewater/sludge from inside IIT Kharagpur campus
with my favorite intern

P.S: With my experience in the field, the best way to get work done with the interns is to work with them. Show them how it is done, like actually doing experiments and analyses. I think it would be unfair to expect them to write a whole paper on their own, you have to do that. You should motivate them by giving some perks. I have taken them out for treats or given them due authorship in papers. Even though they have walked away now to do different things in their lives, we still connect through social networking sites and laugh on all good things that happened. I really want to thank them, for if they were not there, my 5 years of Ph.D. would not have been this much fun. Thanks, peeps J