Chasing simplicity

Have you spotted anyone without a cell phone at a train station or walking without headphones? Neither have I, but I’m one of them. My colleague often talks about how he goes to these yoga retreats every two months for his 'renewal'. When I asked him what they do there, he said they have meditation and mindfulness sessions, share their experiences with complete strangers, practice healthy eating, relaxation and healing, and do workshops that brings cerebral stillness. It kind of knocks me out because I’m not a yoga person and always wondered how external guidance could calm (people) down. It's ironic that in this fast-paced world with distractions at your finger tips, simplicity is so out of reach.

It’s funny how life has changed, isn't it? I remember the days when the only “connection” that mattered was the one you had with your neighbors, friends, and family. Growing up in India, the pace of life was different. At least per my memory, not sure how things are now. Mornings started with the smell of masala chai my mother used to make, the rustling of Hindustan Times newspaper sheets, the breakfast  I used to have (usually parathas and sabzi), to the sound of kabadiwalas and sabziwalas, while the kids played in the streets. Ah! That's my therapy, my white noise.

There was a simplicity in how we lived. We didn’t need much to be happy—just a cricket bat (yeah, I used to play that), a few friends, and the promise of a good game after school before the era of tuitions took over. Festivals were community events; everyone’s door was open, and we celebrated together, from sharing sweets to making Ravana during Dusshera. I can't remember the last time I celebrated Diwali with my people, but Diwali, to me is the memory of my childhood when the first priority was the Lakshmi pooja, lighting up simple mitti diyas (no fancy decoration whatsoever), followed by circulating sweets boxes to the neigbours, and then coming home to burst crackers. It all changed now.  Makar Sankranti used to be a great community event. When I think of it, it takes me back to our Jammu days, living in BSF quarters on the second floor and all the kids used to gather on the terrace to fly kites. It wasn’t just about the kites or throwing water filled balloons on strangers during Holi; it was about being together, shouting in unison when someone’s kite was cut, and the joy of the simple things.

Even our vacations meant so much. Traveling to our village house in Ayodhya was a nice break. People used to feed guests with fresh dudh (milk), jaggery in copper glasses back then unlike today when biscuits and tea took over. There was something so refreshing about waking up to the sound of birds, walking barefoot on the earth, and picking mangoes straight from the "aam ke bagh" my Chacha had. Back then (almost 25 years ago), there were no toilets in our village, so everyone would go to the fields—that was quite an experience! I won’t go into details, but those experiences were priceless. If you know what I mean :D  How I enjoyed plucking peas, sugarcane from our farms that my Chacha manages now. The last time I went to our village in Ayodhya was in 2011 for just 2 days! Why, what took me this long?!!!. 

Also, shopping wasn’t about brands; it was about the experience. Walking through the local market, bargaining with the vendors, and choosing fresh produce—it was an event in itself. I remember how I made my Papa spend hours in the market in Jammu, just to buy a sweatshirt when I was in 10th standard. I wanted something really cool/stylish - thanks to the teen hormones. The joy of finding that perfect sweatshirt after hours of browsing was so fulfilling. I hate online shopping! I watched my first movie "Kaho na pyar hai" with papa in Jammu and then bought stickers and posters of Hrithik to paste in my secret diary. Lol, crush. Man! What days.

Life now feels like a race. We’re always connected, but are we truly connecting? The hustle, the deadlines, the notifications—it’s all so overwhelming tbh. Sometimes, I find myself longing for that slower pace, where the most urgent thing was getting home in time to have the evening tea with the family. (My friends back in Delhi knew I had a cut off time of 5:30 pm to reach home as my folks and I always used to have our evening chai session together. lol!)

Cutest cow ever!

I guess what I’m saying is that I miss the small joys, the simple pleasures that used to define our days. Maybe that’s why the idea of traveling to small towns, visiting roadside dhabas, and just being close to nature feels so appealing. It’s a way to reconnect with that part of life that we’ve somehow left behind in the rush to “move forward.” Well, what I mean is that it’s not about running away from the present but about finding a way back to what truly makes us happy. The life we had —it wasn’t perfect, but it was pure, uncomplicated, and full of warmth. 

I want to keep a cow as a pet - that's my wish. Cow is my favorite animal. This is my picture with a random cow roaming around my Gurgaon home when I visited India last year.

In a way, I think we are all searching for that balance, that peace that comes from living simply and meaningfully. Maybe that’s why my colleague finds value in those yoga retreats—it’s a step towards slowing down for them, tuning out the noise, and rediscovering what really matters. And maybe, just maybe, it’s time we all took a little break, paused the race, and found our way back to the simplicities that once made us who we are.

Friendship

I used to be someone with literally hundreds of friends. In school, I was a very popular kid, and I had friends—best friends—with both girls and guys. I was a tomboy, so I felt comfortable with both of the genders that existed back then. When I moved on to undergraduate college, I made several friends, not only in my batch but also among seniors and juniors. This was because I was active in social and co-curricular activities, participating in many clubs and events.

When I moved on to pursue my higher education, there was so much to explore, so many departments, hostels, and an abundance of activities to take part in. As a result, I ended up with hundreds of friends across disciplines and years.

However, as I reached the pre-final year of my PhD, my circle of friends began to shrink. Now, I literally have only two people whom I call my best friends and only friends. Not that I don't care about other friendships that went missing on the way, but I do want to mention a friendship that is worth the mention in my life because it was very special to me.

We'd named our group "MAGN", deriving each letter from the first letter of our names. We knew each other from 2004! Why am I writing about this today? Because I got rid of the last and only remaining member of that group after losing touch with the first two some 2 years ago. Why? We simply grew apart. Life and circumstances can take people away from you. We tried—I’m sure we tried. But time and distance bring confusion, miscommunications, and misjudgments..

I don’t want to go into the details of what happened or why. I know they don't know about my blog here so probably they are never gonna read this but I just want to say that I hold nothing but love in my heart for them. The time we shared and memories we made are wonderful, and I hope they enjoyed my company as well. But sometimes, moving on is the only solution.

Insights from my journey

Sunsets at Red Rocks

Now that I am in my 30s and having met thousands of people, lived in multiple cities and countries, and experienced various stages of life (and continuing to do so), I can't help but reflect on how few things in life are truly important (non-negotiable). I would love to share this with someone as confused as I was in my early 20s, to help guide them. 

1. Importance of workouts and physical fitness: This is THE most important thing in life. I think, everything else—money, power, fame, love, etc. (not in order)—comes after this. Unless you have good health and follow a sustainable fitness regime, not just to lose a few kilos now and then, but to incorporate it into your everyday lifestyle as a permanent habit, you can't enjoy other aspects of life fully. What you do in your early 20s and 30s will have a direct impact on your later life. I remember how my professor once told me that taking care of his health in his early years by playing tennis, hiking, flossing his teeth, and so on has allowed him to live a comfortable life in his 80s, unlike many of his peers. Also, drink water. 
2.  Freedom to explore your life in the early years: I've seen that parents who imposed strictness on their kids during their formative years often led those kids to explore freedom in not-so-good ways when they finally got the opportunity. It's like if you restrict yourself from doing something for a long time, you might do it in the worst possible way if given the chance. For example, I remember when I used to diet and avoid eating a piece of cake or cookie, I would often fail miserably and end up eating a whole box at 1 a.m., then cry and blame my friend who left their snack box at my home by mistake. So, do not restrict your kids too much. Some form of restriction should be there, though. 
3. Go out, travel, and meet/interact with people: This is another important aspect of life that nobody talks about enough. I have had the privilege of being a military brat, so traveling and moving were part of my life. But I can't emphasize enough its importance in the real world. I have lived on totally opposite sides of the hemispheres alone, but I did a pretty decent job of surviving it with pride. I think this came from my experience of changing schools every 2 years and living in different states of India with varying languages and cultural backgrounds. This really helped me adjust myself in different groups and enhanced my tolerance. It taught me that it is normal and that you have to get through it. 
4. Pursuing continuous learning and growth: Never stop learning. Whether through formal education, reading, or acquiring new skills, continuous learning keeps you intellectually engaged and opens up new opportunities when you expect it the least. 
5. Financial literacy and planning: Understanding money management and planning for the future is so essential. In my early years, I didn't pay much attention to saving or investing, but as I grew older, I realized the importance of financial stability and freedom that comes after. Learning about budgeting, investing, and saving has given me a sense of security and freedom to make life choices without financial stress. It has also taught me the essesnce of responsibility. As a youngest kid in the family, I was the last person to be considered responsible (becuase of my track records) but now I take pride in telling people that atleast few people in my life (my family, of course) have started taking me seriously and consider me responsible. 😊
6. Follow this when joining a new workplace: When you join a new workplace, be proactive. Arrive early and make it a habit, as your initial actions can set lasting patterns. Participate in activities and meetings, ask questions, and never shy away from voicing your opinions. Taking these steps will help you integrate quickly and make a positive impression. Stepping out of your comfort zone can lead to new opportunities and learning experiences. Volunteer for challenging projects, propose innovative ideas, and don't be afraid to suggest changes that could improve processes. I believe what you do in the first six months sets a lasting impression about you as a person and colleague in people's minds. If you cut slack after six months, it won't change anything. However, if you are clumsy and boring at the start, no matter how hard you try to change people's perception of you after six months, it will never change.
7. Take risks: I am a huge supporter of taking risks (with some caveats of course)*. It's like stepping onto a new path without knowing exactly where it leads. It's exciting and a bit scary, but it's how we grow and achieve amazing things. Before making important risky decisions, my mantra in life is to first calm myself down by thinking, 'Hey, what's the worst thing that can happen?' I imagine the worst-case scenario and weigh it against the fact that I would still be alive and have my job/family. I believe that if you've already considered the worst-case scenario of your risk decision, you'll be at ease with accepting the outcome afterward. At least, that approach has worked out for me. (* you should always have a plan B and don't get too risky, you know. Always take calculated risks).

Reflections of 2023

I don't know if all the grown ups do that but I love world news. I mean it is such an interesting time to be alive with so much happening daily around you. 

In the crazy year, I did some crazy things 😎

Who would have thought that in this day and age, we would witness countries resorting to military actions like bombings, leaving the world on edge? The Russia-Ukraine conflict stands as a stark reminder that despite our technological progress, old conflicts persist. Who would have imagined that people can abduct humans from a music fest.. It's the kind of thing you’d only expect in a movie, not in reality. Yet, these events show us the harsh realities we face, shaking our sense of security.

But it's not all grim news. We're in an era where artificial intelligence isn't just a sci-fi dream or a sequence from a Hollywood movie but a reality that is increasingly changing our day-to-day lives. Tools like chat-based AI models are transforming the way we work and interact. It's just fascinating how tech is continually evolving to assist us and I can not imagine what is in store for us in the next couple of decades.

Science has truly gone interstellar! India's successful landing of its rover on the moon's south pole and its subsequent recovery maneuvers are a testament to human ingenuity and ambition. Economic landscapes have shifted too. While countries like India skyrocketed to trillion-dollar economies, others (Guess who :P) faced financial struggles almost to the point of bankruptcy. The representation of diverse body types like the participation of a plus-sized contestant in the Miss World pageant, and gender (Hail Women reservation bill 2023!), marks a really cool positive stride towards normalizing beauty standards. Abrogation of 370 has put all the chaos to the end, hopefully. On the international stage, the inclusion of South African nations into BRICS signified a shifting geopolitical landscape.

Cheers to the surprises and the adventures that await us in 2024! Wish everyone a Happy New Year 2024!!! 

P.S. Almost 4 years ago, I co-wrote an article on the abrogation of article 370, and co-incidently supreme court gave its verdict today confirming an end to J&K's special status.

Power naps

Well, I never knew what napping is. Since I came into existence in this world, I never napped. I never slept after school when other kids used to sleep, or maybe were forced to sleep by their mothers.* I was always the hyperactive type who would rather do something during that time. I have always, always slept for 8 hours during the night. This is like my standard. I would just sleep once in the 24 hours and that would be during the night. I would wake up right when my circadian clock hits the eight-hour mark, and I can't stop appreciating this magical human body. Even now, whenever I'm working from home, I prefer not to use an alarm clock because I know if I sleep say by 11:00 p.m., I would be awake by 7:00 a.m. no matter what. This gives me a very pleasant start to the mornings as I believe waking up with an alarm clock puts stress on your body, albeit not visibly. Just my theory!

Okay, coming back to napping. I used to always wonder how do people nap? What IS it actually? Do you sleep for those 15-30 minutes? Or do you just close your eyes and relax? How do you feel before and after napping? Because whenever I have tried to close my eyes during the day, I have woken up feeling as if I have missed a train or something. So, I napped last week! Yeah, right. According to me, it was napping. Let me explain what I mean by that, and it would be good to hear what others feel. So, last week, I was working from home on Wednesday. It was some time in the afternoon, and I felt sudden tiredness in my body, wanting to just lie down for a bit. My bed was right next to me, so I went ahead and lied down. I automatically closed my eyes. I felt a sense of calm, and it was a good feeling. I lied down for a good 10-15 minutes. I know I didn't sleep because somewhere I was thinking something which I don't remember now, but for sure I wasn't asleep. I opened my eyes after 15 minutes, and I was fresh and active like before. I don't know if that will classify under the act of napping, but that's what my understanding is of the phenomenon. I would like to know from "professional" nappers, though, if napping actually involves deep sleep or just closing your eyes for a bit and its impact on your state of mind. 

*Okay there were some instances that I can count on my fingers when I did sleep in the afternoon say at 2 and woke up at 9 in the night with absolutely no clue of who I was :( Certainly that wouldn't be counted as napping.

Speak for yourself

Click bait image :P

I have observed this so many times, but I decided to write about it now. Yesterday, my friend and I went to a nearby Indian restaurant in downtown Denver, owned by Nepalese people. We frequent this place so often that they have become like friends to us, and we usually have nice chit chats.

During one of these conversations, we discussed how many people, especially from South Asian countries, are leaving their countries to settle abroad like the US, Australia, and Canada. The Nepalese guy expressed his concern that in Nepal, people don't value studying and earning while staying in their own country, and moving abroad seems like an easier option to them. He also had concerns about the pace of modernization in his homeland. Fair enough.

Now my friend, who is a Punjabi, joins the conversation and agreed with most of his points and said it's the same trend in India. Everyone is going abroad due to lack of opportunities and fair governance. Everything was okay till this point. However, things took a negative turn when my friend started generalizing and criticizing the culture back home. My friend claimed that setting up a business in India is almost impossible due to corruption, and the goons and mafia demand a share from every venture. I interrupted and asked for specific examples rather than a sweeping generalization about all of India. They admitted that it happens more frequently in Punjab. I urged them to be more precise in their statements and not label the entire country based on isolated or personal experiences. They often scolds Indian system and complains about the current governance (which may be a personal experience altogether). 

Interestingly, my friend is also an aspirant for getting a Green Card (GC) and settling abroad. Even marrying a US citizen just to expedite the process doesn't sound odd to them. For context, the regular GC processing times for most of the Indians is pretty long as of today. Whenever I mention to my friend that I plan to go back to India sooner or later, they are shocked because they know that if I apply for a Green Card, the process will be relatively faster for me compared to them. It's not something they hear often, and it surprises them. I pointed out the irony of their stance - while they criticize Punjab and instead of going back and contribute to the betterment, they are instead trying so hard to leave India forever (but continue complain forever). They believe the bad conditions are "imposed by the government," but I encouraged them to consider going back and contributing to the betterment of their own country (which I don't think was perceived really well :D). 

But this is not one isolated example, few days back, at NREL, my friend, who is an Indian shared a similar story. She sat in some event where people were sharing their stories. One Indian guy (who was actually an immigrant from Sri Lanka and brought up in India) went nonstop bickering about the many biases he felt in India starting from castes, to color, to poverty (he even mentioned never having experienced an AC before), to what not. He also said that Indians come to the US only for money!!!  When my friend told me about this encounter, she looked upset, embarrassed and questioned how someone could generalize and attribute such experiences to every Indian. The gore’s were asking if this is the first time you experienced an AC, to that he said yes. So, while I am not declining these problems that he may have faced, it is also wrong to say that this is the norm. This is what happens “in India” and to everyone because I’m pretty sure all the 100 odds members mostly whites would have felt that what he is sharing is the truth and that every Indian goes through the same. 

And the list goes on! Since I have lived in so many states in India and studied in so many schools and colleges, thanks to my father’s military profession, I have got a taste of so many cultures and languages and the people. I have seen that people tend to generalize their experiences and throw them on others. 

Coming back to my friend from the dinner last night, I faced and said that please whenever you share such an experience, do add that “it is your opinion or per your experience” Please speak for yourself and do not generalize. I guess I offended my friend :D But I am also sure the next time they share a similar story to a non-Indian, they will always remember me. 

Gone nuts?

Doda that saw the land of
opportunities - US circa Feb 2023

After checking off all the major boxes in life, you may think you've got it all sorted. But, wait a minute!! 

Well, in case anyone is wondering, what has gotten into my brain this time...I am talking about the showstopper, the mighty, the grumbly, the cutest WALNUT DODA!! The king of Indian sweets.

I visited India this February, and let me tell you, there's nothing quite like being with family, enjoying home-cooked food, and having everything taken care of while you lounge in bed, not worrying baout doing the laundry or dishes. But amidst all the good things, let's talk about the star of today's blog—Walnut Doda. Yass! 

Gurgaon, Sec 23 -
The Mecca of Doda's

First things first, let's talk about the walnuts in this glorious mess. They're like mischievous little imps that have found their home in the Kingdom of Doda, adding an unexpected crunch to every bite. These walnuts have seen things, my friends! As you take your first mouthwatering bite, prepare yourself for a symphony of flavors that will leave your taste buds wondering if they've stumbled upon a SpaceX spacecraft. The melting sweetness of the Doda will hit you like a killer standup comedy show, with a twist of nuttiness that' might make you question your sanity. 😇

It's truly a flavor rollercoaster, and you won't care about low-carb diets or anything else like this in this physical world with impossible realms of reality. 👀

Google image of Walnut Doda

Next time, you are in Gurgaon, splurge in the madness of walnut Doda (its only available during the winter months, but plain doda is worth trying too). It's an extra-terrestrial experience (If I ever had one, this would be it), at least for me. You can thank me later.  Ok, Bye!